BURSTIn the thick of winter, the Revelstoke Review was in for a more tropical surprise after someone used a coconut to smash into the newspaper’s cash box – possibly nabbing enough money for a coffee.
Black Press Media discovered the fruity phenomenon the morning of Jan. 12. Shards of coconut littered the newsstand, and white watery residue blemished the window outside the Review’s office door.
The small metal cash box, used by non-subscribers to pay for their weekly newspaper and emptied routinely by staff, hung wide open, its lid dented out of line with the bottom compartment that’s drilled into the wall.
The visitor had inflicted no other damage to the Review’s property; a dozen newspapers had merely been scrunched behind the door handle.
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Staff previously locked and left the office Friday evening, Jan. 9. Building owner Mark McKee confirmed the main doors to the commercial centre remained unlocked 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. that weekend.
Based on Black Press Media’s prior visit to the cash box, the mischief-maker likely stole just $2 or $3, and almost certainly no more than $5.
In fact, they may have spent more money on the coconut-cocked crime itself than they earned from the coins. A green packaging label found among the fallen fruit indicated that someone, at some point, had purchased this coconut.
While some grocery stores in town don’t carry coconuts, Save-On-Foods and Southside Market both confirmed selling certain types of whole coconuts year-round, which customers drink straight from or break open for other purposes. Prices start around $5 or $6 per item.
Management at both stores chuckled upon learning of the Review’s “coconut scandal,” as Sgt. Derek Rondeau, operations NCO for Revelstoke RCMP, described it.
Unclear which store exactly the drupe fruit in question came from, due to uncertainty whether it was younger or more mature, it was, in any case, a first for both Save-On-Foods and Southside to hear of a coconut turned contrivance.
When it comes to petty crime, “I don’t know if we’ve ever received a report of someone using a coconut,” Rondeau said. “You’d be pretty hard-pressed if you’re using a coconut.”
Revelstoke RCMP tends to handle more “fun-and-drunk” files during winter, he said — “we do see it more with the younger crowd” — but has never heard in recent memory of a produce-primed vandal wanting some spare change.
“It’s a mystery,” Rondeau concluded.
Still, he noted that regardless of how obscure and unlikely an incident occurs in town, “we always encourage people, even if they’re not sure, to phone us.”
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Using a coconut to break into a cash box and steal a paltry sum would be considered mischief under $5,000, under B.C. law, Rondeau explained.
While in extreme cases an offender caught and charged with a summary offence could be penalized up to $5,000 or six months in jail, no penalty could top the humour and ingeniousness of the “coconut scandal” that’s given Black Press Media and Revelstokians a good laugh for 2026.
Piña coladas and coconut chips, anyone?