BURSTA Christina Lake pub is replacing stressful human elections with nine worthy four-pawed candidates.
Dubbed the Pup MLA (Most Licked Ass-et), a high-stakes election night will decide who deserves the most licking rights.
Just like the real deal, advance voting is now underway at the Long Shot Pub in Christina Lake. On Saturday, Oct. 24, the pub will host an election results party celebrating with karaoke and declaring the noble furry leader. Voting closes at 8 p.m.
Residents have a wide slate of candidates to choose from, all with promising platforms ranging from unlimited fetch to public canine health care and personal inspection of all leftovers.
“All nine candidates strongly oppose being excluded and share one delicious mandate: a future seat beside their human for a gourmet burger—obviously shared—and a bowl of water at every eatery in B.C., starting with the Long Shot Pub in Christina Lake.”
“Their slogan: “No degustation without representation!” Until that dream becomes reality, the humans get the party and the pups demand a full report, preferably in a takeout box,” reads the Long Shot Pub’s press release.
The candidates are as follows: Becky, Bruce, Dixie, Leo, Lily, Milo, Nova, Pablo and Sage.
Each candidate comes with a short bio that shares their personality and, most importantly, their stance.
*Becky: At 16, Becky is Christina Lake’s comeback candidate: deaf, a stroke survivor and back to walking 5 km a day. A Lake local since 2022, she champions fitness, naps and neighbourly visits. Her two devoted human sisters endorse her; the critter behind the RV park has declined to comment. Mud-slinging is literally on her platform.
*Bruce: Bruce, 14, is a Chiweenie with a blanket-sized mandate and a much bigger personality. His platform: more snuggles, protected toy time and no human left unaccompanied—even in the bathroom. A seasoned candidate with a puppy’s spirit, he promises transparent government. Please leave the bathroom door open.
*Dixie: Dixie, 14, brings over 2,500 appointments beside Dad to her campaign trail. She supports drive-thrus that dispense treats, burgers, and more. Her boldest policy: almost 18 hours of sleep a day. Snoring allegations? A smear campaign. She calls it economic stimulus for the nap industry.
*Leo: Leo turned eight in July and remains locked in negotiations with one allegedly indestructible stuffy. His policy is simple: dismantle it, whatever the cost. A proud supporter of his Christina Lake on-call firefighter dad, Leo is ready to serve the community—just as soon as that suspiciously durable toy surrenders.
*Lily: Lily, three, is a Yorkie Mix running on rapid response: street to gate in under five seconds. She knows everyone’s business, investigates every mouse and bird, and spins through dinner briefings like a tiny tornado. Vote Lily for round-the-clock neighbourhood watch. Her campaign already has plenty of spin.
*Milo: Milo just turned 10, and this Alberta-born federalist Labradoodle is building a united nation of belly scratches. Multilingual and fluent in cuddles, he promises public canine health care and free dog toys. His budget is ambitious, but he’s confident it can be balanced in biscuits. Belly rubs cross all party lines.
*Nova: Nova, seven, takes the job seriously—until the squeaky toy enters the debate. She believes in sharing, provided you throw it, including indoors. With brother Jaegar as her walking partner, she supports very long walks and unlimited fetch. Her promise to voters is to bring it back. Then make you throw it again.
*Pablo: Pablo, four, is a sensitive Malpoo rescued as a puppy in Huatulco, Mexico, who gained Canadian pup citizenship on arrival in Vancouver. He favours close ties with Mom, temporary recognition of Dad as the spare human, and an always-open treat container. His border policy: biscuits may enter freely.
*Sage: Sage is three and a half years and 130 pounds of gentle Taurus determination. Her platform: river hikes, toys with sister Nya, meeting everyone and eating absolutely everything. Green eyes and a shiny coat win hearts; copious drool seals the deal. She promises a chicken in every bowl—and will personally inspect all leftovers.